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Maybe if my leg was broken or I was diagnosed with a life threatening illness they would have cared more. It seems that mental illness does not have a place in this world. There are already too many 'freaks' suffering from it, one in five australians in fact. Sure the physical symptoms of depression may not kill me, but the emotional ones may.I know that I can be stronger and fight my depression, Iwant an education and a career, I never wanted to be a dropout. Finding the motivation to brush my teeth is a struggle, so you can imagine the pain I feel when people called me a faker. The inner sadness that engulfs me is phenomenal. Iwouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. Yet I would like to see some of the people who ridiculed me go through a fraction of what I have been through for a second and see how they would fight it.
I like everybody else, has had problems in my life. My parents separating when I was young. I was followed home from school when day and bashed because some girls didn't like me. I've suffered the usual bitchiness and namecalling. the saying 'sticks and stones may break my bone but words will never hurt me' is so wrong. Being called a whore or slut while still being a virgin has left emotional scars that feel like they will be with me forever. A simple threat sends me into a hysterical state. while physical scars heal, emotionla ones are there to taunt you for life. Some people I have considered my 'best friends' have betrayed me. Many haven't called the whole time I have been sick. I'm forgotten now.
I'm extremely lucky to have a caring and understanding family as wellas a boyfirend who would do anything to see me happy. I love them all so much. unfortunately you hurt the ones you love most. Your pain becomes directed at them and they cope the blame for all the shit the world has dealed out to you. I never wanted to hurt them. I hope they can forgive me.
This was written during the darkest times of my depression. Three suicide attempts followed and my family helped me through them. I am now a happy 17 year old doing my HSC. The time of depression seem like a bad nightmare. I still can't believe what i went through and survived. There is always hope, for anyone. There is always someone there to listen. |
